This alternate Christmas classic was written by Mike Follows, and first appeared in issue 67 of popular STAND, which went on sale on 30th November 2013.
‘Twas the night before Christmas and all through the town,
Not a Rover was stirring, not even Chris Brown,
Little James Coppinger snoozed in his bed,
Rob Jones dreamed of clearing the snow with his head,
David Cotterill had been to the kitchen,
To put out a carrot for Donder and Blitzen,
The players were warmed by the log fire’s glow,
Bongani Khumalo was hoping for snow,
When all of a sudden arose quite a din,
And out of his bed jumped a sleepy Paul Quinn,
He raced down the stairs with the greatest of ease,
And picked up an envelope postmarked Belize,
No toys, sweets or goodies had been scattered around,
Just a bank statement reading “forty million pounds”,
But why was it there and what could it mean,
To the likes of Doncaster’s Football team?
He ran to the window as just out of sight,
Went a fellow with teeth gleaming brilliant white,
He flew away over gardens and fences,
Shouting “Take the cash, sod the consequences”,
As morning broke over Cantley Park,
And the sun chased away the Christmas Eve dark,
Excitable Rovers rushed to see,
What had been left for them under the tree,
Would the fans be delighted or would they be shunned,
By a secretive Irish/Belizean hedge fund?
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